The Mystery Of Who I Am

Neil Vermillion —  January 12, 2018 —  Comments


I have opened your ears already, and have opened your mind too. I have opened the issues of your heart and revealed them to you, but I have not opened the answers to the secrets that continue to perplex you. I have not neglected you, but have left the gap between your knowledge and your experience as a space in which to allow for individual and unstructured improvisation and experimentation.

I have left what seems to be a mess on your plate, and it has not measured up to the predictable pattern of behavior you have formulated and superimposed upon me. I have revealed myself to you, but I did not look the way you presumed I would look. I have spoken my words to you, but they seemed distasteful and unpalatable, as if there was an error in hearing them. I have opened doors of opportunity, but have not closed the doors of chaos and that which is undefined, and it has left you puzzled and perplexed.

These things perplex you because you do not know me. These things perplex you because they do not conform, and even contradict, your previously conceived notions of who I am and what I am.

But let me assure you, no matter how carefully constructed, no matter how complicated and involved, none of your depictions and descriptions will be entirely and completely accurate. While they are useful, and helpful, know they are incomplete. The labels you utilize are good, for they allow you to grasp key aspects of my identity and function, but they are anything but total in their assessment of me, and my will.

Oftentimes you will find the broad strokes match adequately, however the details and finer points, the subtle nuances many miss and do not take time to appreciate, reveal greater implications that result in miscomputation within the organic, grey computer. But do not allow this to hinder you, for your facilities to process me are limited. Your bandwidth, while good and righteous, is not eternal, not omnipresent, not omnipotent, not omniscient. So make peace with this as you encounter a different wave of the ocean you have sailed so many times. For though I am familiar and accessible to you, I am also new, different, and foreign simultaneously.

Make pace with this tension, for as you are do you will be liberated to engage with me as I am, to receive me, my words, my ideas, and my plans, as I am, rather than continually relating to me through the symbols and shadows of what and who you believe me to be.

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